DHI Announces Formation of Office of Simp Prevention


In an effort to combat a rise in simping nationwide, the U.S. Department of Hoes and Insecurity has announced the formation of its Office of Simp Prevention.

Headquartered in San Diego, California, the Office of Simp Prevention will work with the U.S. Thot Patrol, along with elements of DHI's Intelligence service, to enforce anti-simp regulations on the ground, in the air, on the water, and in cyberspace.

The Office of Simp Prevention will begin its mission with a particular focus on Internet-based simping, including OnlyFans usage, TikTok Live & Twitch donations, and abuse of Instagram Story Likes. In partnership with DHI Intel, the Office of Simp Prevention has developed a multitude of technological tools to improve the efficiency of its investigations, including an automated system to track & log usage of the "Heart Eyes" and "Drooling Face" emojis across social networks.

In the absence of federal funding, the Office of Simp Prevention will finance its operations through the sale of merchandise. More information on how to purchase Office of Simp Prevention clothing, patches and other goods will be released shortly.